Because I have been bad...very bad...But it is ok. I am not going to be so hard on myself. I have to loosen up or I will not get anywhere. I am pretty sure the stress alone is causing me NOT to lose weight..so, I'm not going to think about it. Or try not to at least. I am going to do what I know to do. I am going to eat right and exercise like I usually do. God will have to take care of the rest.

I have decided that I need to incorporate more fish into my diet. I am going to try and eat fish at least twice a week. So the plan as of now, is fish twice a week, chicken three times a week, turkey meat one day a week and then a red meat, whether it be steak or chop meat. So , that is the updated plan!!!

Nothing new really going on around here. I start school on August 26th and I am SOOOO excited. I am taking 4 classes online. It doesn't look like I'll have to physically go to the school at all. Mostly all of the courses I need are online which is working out great for me! Also, I found out that my schooling is covered 100%! Thank you Lord for providing!! I am actually going to receive money for school. Sweet.

My kids are ADORABLE. Every day I am telling you they are melting my heart away. Zachary is much more vocal. He spends the whole day cooing and looking at me as if he has something super important to say. Samuel is VERY VERY mischeivious these days, but it's ok. I've been noticing his eyes lately. He really does have beautiful big eyes and really long dark eyelashes. Pretty goodlookin' kid :-) Not that I am bias or anything :-) Zachary is sleeping wonderfully through the night. He goes to bed at around 9:3o 10:00 and sleeps until 7:35 every morning. LIKE CLOCKWORK he wakes up at 7:35 exactly. I nurse him, he stays up until about 9 and goes back to sleep until 11:30. Amazing. I really think using the binky has a lot to do with it. My sister's baby still doesn't sleep good for her, but she never took the binky. I bet if she had that, she would have slept better. Maybe not :-) She's only the world's cutest little thing!!! You have to hear her.. My sister says in a loud voice "Don't touch!" And you hear her little raspy girly voice say while she's pointing her finger "dunt tuch". AHHH. Makes me want to eat her little face up!!!

So that's the update... Hope everyone in blogworld is great!

It's been a few yes. A few not so good days! I am getting increasingly frustrated. My weight is NOT BUDGING. NOT AT ALL. My work outs are great, and I'm not feeling as "floppy" for lack of a better word, but I'm also not feeling very comfortable in my clothes. ARGH. On top of everything, Samuel has been well, let's just say A BOY to the max. I mean, if I am not entertaining him every second of the day, he is truly testing my patience.

So this is all a trickle effect. I find that since I'm frustrated about my weight, my apartment is starting to slowly slip which is causing stress. Then of course there is that lovely time of the month..as in paying the bills. Whenever that happens I almost shut down completely. First let me say, I AM SO THANKFUL for Josh's job. Now let me say, we are struggling with this pay. I know it is only for the time being and he will be making more as soon as he passes his levels, but in the mean time, it's been really rough. We took a HUGE pay cut to come here... $10,000 to be exact. On top of starting to pay for insurance through his job, and the bills are not cheaper here in good old Philadelphia. I called around for car insurance only to find out that Philadelphia has one of the nations highest car insurance rates. And boy were they not kidding. One place quoted me for $2000 every 6 months!! WHAT ARE THEY NUTS! Who can afford that these days? I mean we literally drive within a 5 mile radius every day. Except for when we go to NY. Crazy. So for now, I have to keep my current insurance. Ahh the stress.

I'm sure the stress going on right now IS NOT helping with weight loss. I am definitely losing my motivation and I guess my hope. I love my kids and I wouldn't trade them for the world. But sometimes I feel like I'm not sure how many kids I want to have if every time after my body goes through this beating. This weight loss can be so daunting. I think I am also too hard on myself. I think I am spending too much time on the computer hoping that by the time I get off, all of the stress will go away. It's not the case at all. So, for now, I need to get off of this computer and clean. Today I go for my placement testing. Yes, I am starting college again! Hooray. I must be crazy. Major scheduling will have to go on this next year!! Anyway, gotta go! Hope everyone is well!

I followed my eating plan exactly today and I WA S STUFFED by dinner...So I just didn't eat dinner because I wasn't hungry. Weird. Never thought there would be a point in my life where I wasn't hungry. Funny.

Workout was great. I finally figured out what to do to fit in my regular strength training and training for this 5k. Josh doesn't leave for work until 9:45am. So I have been going running at around 7:30 and then in the evening when he comes home, I go and do my upper body or lower body..Whatever is due on that day. Right now I do cardio Tuesday, Thursday, & Saturday and I alternate doing Upper body and Lower body on Monday Wednesday and Friday and I take Sunday off. So I am just going to add that extra cardio in the mornings on Monday Wednesday and Friday. I think it will work well.

Please pray for Josh by the way. He has been increasingly frustrated with his job which means, you've got it frustrated at home. He has to get a recommendation to pass to the next level in his job and he has been having a tough time getting it. If he doesn't get it in the next 2 weeks that could mean he could lose his job which would be TERRIBLE. So please pray. I am confident that he will get it, and he seems to think so too, but I think his frustration is preventing him from passing. So please pray for him this week! It's vital that he passes. I'll keep you all updated!

So that is it for tonight. Till tomorrow!

Yesterday my mom, sister, brother and niece came to visit me. It was SO refreshing to see some NORMAL (well, what's normal anyway) familiar faces. I needed that so badly. My niece is an absolute adorable, true girly girl. She's got the attitude and everything. If you jump over to my facebook and look under my new pictures "visit with the fam" You will see her. She absolute lights up my life. She definitely entertains me! We brought her in the pool for the first time. Let's just say, she is less than thrilled with the pool! haha! More like SHE HATED IT. After quite a few minutes of her being in the pool and screaming, she finally would walk around it like a little princess who was truly annoyed. Love her love her love her. Now my sister is having another baby and I cannot wait!!!

So my workouts have been going really well. I am really pushing myself to my limit and I am feeling very strong. I started training for a 5K I want to do in NYC. Anna pointed out that I could probably skip the first 2 weeks of the training schedule and jump right into the 3rd and she was right! I didn't realize that I could actually do it, but I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm not going to lie though, it is TOUGH. But I am really excited to see my progress.

When it comes to the eating, well I was doing really good until yesterday when my family came. It is not that I am necessarily eating junk, but a lot of starches as of late. That is definitely my downfall. I LOVE starchy food. Some of my favorites are chips, crackers, mashed potatos, and my all time favorite, pasta. All foods I should only being eating in extreme moderation. Ahh.. I decided to remind myself that I was not going to take a free day right now. I think once I get into a healthy weight range it will be ok for me to do that. But in this initial weight loss period, I need to just be a little strict. I still have about 12 pounds to go before I am in a healthy weight range for my height. So until then, bye bye free days. I'm OK with that. Well, let's see if I'm ok with it when I'm having a strong craving. I find that when I keep up with my fruit, I don't crave sugar as much. So I am making sure I am always stocked up on fruit.

So that is the deal. I have had a good couple of days and I'm proud of that! So until tomorrow!!

Thanks to Anna for making my page so BEAUTIFUL! I love it! My mom, sister, niece, and brother are coming today! Hooray! I'll post tonight!

Just wondering if anyone was wondering why I haven't blogged for most of my weekend? Well..here it is...I AM DREADING the confession of the HORRIBLE weekend I have been having. Not only food wise, but life wise. I have had one of those few days where I think I could quite possibly rip my hair out. Samuel has been having multiple, and I mean multiple accidents. I had to finally break down and get him pull ups again. I have seriously been washing his sheets once and twice a day... Until yesterday he decided to skip peeing in bed because now he had pull ups..instead he'd pee on my floor. All you mommies of boys isn't this wonderful? The new toy they have found. Let's see the maximum amount of damage I can cause mentally on my mother. Let's see how many bottles of detergent she can go through? Wonder if she is getting tired of my room smelling like pee and vinegar? I love Samuel, I do, he's just driving me a bit crazy. And I LOVE the suggestion my mom made...First off, I love you mom. She said "maybe he needs more attention?" WHAT. I have to glue my eyes on his body to give him more attention... I'm at a complete loss.

Another thing that has been going on is the reality of the fact that my grandparents are getting old. Well, really old. My grandpa is 92 and my grandma is 88. Let me tell you, my mom's parents have been the best grandparents anyone could ask for. They have always lived in New Jersey, but, let me tell you, it was always clear that they were always there for us. My grandma is a little old Italian lady with a THICK accent. She is wonderful. She has such pearls of wisdom even through her sometimes gross comments. My grandpa was always kind of a silent strength to me. My grandpa could definitely tell a good story, but for the most part, he would sit and just seem to observe. When he started talking though, be sure you were ready to sit for a while! But I realized, as a kid sometimes I would think this was annoying, but my grandpa has so much to offer. My grandparents to me are the example of what kind of a married couple I'd like to be. They bicker yes, which is very funny, but, for the past I think it's been about 40 years, my grandpa has had diabetes. My grandmother has taken such amazing care of him I mean I am sure he would not be alive today if he didn't have her. He has just recently gone completely blind and he is starting to lose it a little bit. He seems more confused. He just was diagnosed with prostate cancer. It's in the very early stages and it can progress very slowly, so it is likely that he will die of old age before he dies of prostate cancer. I was talking to my grandma yesterday and she was crying saying she wasn't ready to lose him. She didn't want to lose him. I cannot describe the bond they have. I remember one time my grandma had a procedure done and for some reason, I think she was gone over night. We were at my aunts house and my grandpa was miserable without her. As soon as she came home he went right up to her and gave her a hug and she hugged him and they both said "I missed you! Are you ok!". It made my heart want to explode. Here they are, these two people who have spent most of their lives together still loving each other after all of these years. I guess where I am going with this is their love for each other and their love for us grandkids is unlike any love I have really seen. I am not ready to lose my grandparents and I want to be able to spend as much time as I can with them. They have been huge icons in my life and I cannot imagine my life without them. When I hear my grandpa start to get confused, or I see my grandma start to get tired quicker than she used to, it gives me some sort of a reality check. They are getting to the end of their lives. It's not easy to think about. I am just sad I guess. I want my grandparents around forever. They mean a whole lot to me.

Ok now I'm crying... So this has been kind of a sad couple of days for me.. I think I am overwhelmed right now. It's a lot of work to be home with both kids and in a whole other state . I am starting to feel it a bit. I also am having a hard time connecting with people here. I am not sure how to make friends with young couples. I am emotional right now..I think I should probably just go to sleep and I will feel better in the morning. I am going to go for a walk with my ipod and worship music on.. I need to just clear my head I guess...

Oh ya, and eating...well.... whatever... haha!

I've been struggling with my eating. Not that I'm necessarily eating bad things, I'm just not eating. I have found myself so busy that I suddenly feel dizzy an sick and then I think "Oh I forgot to eat!". So , I decided I need to get myself back on track. So how did I do that? I decided to deep clean my apartment. I don't have any excuse not to make my food except laziness. My apartment is spotless, my bills are paid, and I can completely focus on my eating now. Or should I?

I was watching Rachel Ray the other day and they had a doctor on that specializes in eating disorders. She was saying that as a society today, we are so obsessed with food and we are going to continue to pass it on if we don't realize the facts. She says, the fact is, everything in moderation is not bad! She said this is the best way to put it. Imagine you are making cookies with your kid. The cookies are done and you are looking at the cookies like they are the devil. You tell your child "don't worry, you can have a cookie, mommy just won't have one" That child is going to start thinking there is something horribly wrong with that cookie. So her advice was, there are foods that you shouldn't eat every day ie. Fast food, cookies, cakes, simple carbs etc, but those are not completely off limits. If you teach your child each day how to eat basically healthy, they won't struggle as much when they are older. So RELAX! So I decided to take her advice. I am going to relax. I am still going to not have any sweets or things like that in my apartment. I never really have and quite honestly, they are expensive. But every once in a while, Samuel will be OK having some of that stuff. I don't want him growing up to think food is the devil. Food historically is meant to be enjoyed. Most get togethers back in the day took place around a banquet. Food is meant to be enjoyed!!! Not hated!! So, I am going to thorouly enjoy my healthy food!!

I need to go get my baby now...he is quite mad at Josh right now...Until later!!

It's really warm out today and according to the forecast, looks like it is going to be the last nice day for a little while because I guess the rain misses us.. So, I have to make this short so that I can clean my kitchen and get out by noon to the pool * not that it will take that long to clean my kitchen, I only have 1 pan to clean *. I also forgot to make Josh lunch, so I've gotta do that!

I have had a hard time getting back on track ever since that free day. Not good. I still feel slightly sick for some reason. It's probably because I haven't slept a lot in the past few days. Zachary is such a good boy and is sleeping through the night which is wonderful. He has been for about 3 weeks. He sleeps more than Samuel at this point. Samuel for some reason keeps having accidents over night. I'm thinking of putting pull ups on him at night again. I don't know if he'll do it. I tried putting a pull up on him a couple of weeks ago and he wanted nothing to do with it. He said to me "I not a baby, I am a big boy!". Awww...

Also, Samuel has been picked on quite a bit at the pool by some of these nasty kids! I never have felt an urge to hit a child , but when the pick on Samuel, the urge is very strong and present! One kid, Lord help me, I yelled at. This was insane. First off he kept saying "Spanish people should be shot" OH MY GOSH! Then, Samuel was playing with one of his buckets and he had Samuels water gun. Him and his stupid little friend decided they wanted to bucket. Samuel was laughing because they were chasing him- he thought for fun. Well basically they cornered him in the pool and started squirting water in his mouth and nose. I RAN over there and almost ripped those kids faces off. I started yelling because I got nervous. The father ran over and said to me "why are you yelling? They were just having fun" to which I replied "Picking on my son and squirting water up his nose and in his mouth at the same time is fun?!?!? NO. THAT COULD KILL HIM" Basically the lifeguard came over and kicked the kids and the father out of the pool because that was apparantly the third time that day they had picked on a kid and they were in the kids pool even though they were something like 8 or 9. I don't know how to deal with that stuff? I guess at this age you talk to the parents?

Samuel is really a good boy. He doesn't even realize they are being mean to him. He just smiles and walks away. It makes me so sad. I don't know what to do!! Any advice?

Anyway, hopefully today will be a good day! Gotta go grab some breakfast!

I've had a tough day today. Last night I ended up sleeping for a grand total of about 3 hours. I had parked in a no parking spot in my court because the nearest parking spot was literally a half a mile away- no was at midnight was I walking by myself back to the apartment. So, I confess, I parked illegally *Sarah don't tell KYLE!*. I thought it was worth the risk because the ticket is only $10, but I was so nervous that maybe they would tow my car or something that I kept waking up every half hour. Guess it doesn't pay to break the law. Then on top of it, Samuel had an accident in his bed, Zachary woke up REALLY EARLY then Samuel was up for the count at 5:30am...eeeekkkk... So needless to say today was a sleepy day and I have felt horribly sick all day and eating has not been an option. Whenever I don't sleep I get sick. Josh let me take a long nap tonight and Samuel unfortunately fell asleep with me, so now here we are at 11:30 both up and Zachary is sleeping. Not a good scenario. Oh well, what's sleep anyway? Not important I guess.

I actually am going to go watch Dumbo with Samuel right now, he's never seen it and seeing that we are going to be up for a while, I thought it would be nice! So I'll blog more tomorrow!

Eating wise, I did not so great this weekend. I think a free day is out of the question for me until I get a better grip on this eating thing. It kinda sent me into a spiral out of control mode. It's ok, tomorrow is a new day.

Something is bothering me tonight and maybe I shouldn't be blogging while I'm still angry, but whatever. You girls (I think all girls read this?) are cool for me to let loose a bit. So tonight I picked out a STUPID STUPID movie to watch. I won't even name it because I don't want to endorse it whatsoever. But basically it is the typical male objectifying woman blah blah blah and then at the end, he turns into this "good guy" and gets the girl. Whatever. This is what makes me upset. I see that my eating has a lot to do with movies like that also. It is a CONSTANT reminder when you watch these movies with "a perfect girl" there. Your typical runs 3 miles every morning at 5am, beautiful hair, beautiful teeth, beautiful everything. Translated- NOT REALISTIC. Then you have all of these guys who in the movie are OPENLY objectifying these kinds of girls. I feel very insecure when it comes to movies like this for 2 reasons. 1. I feel like I WISH I could look like these girls ( a little highschool no?) and 2. They always look so happy. Now I know I am supposed to tell myself "this is a movie, this is Hollywood" but for some reason, my brain doesn't go there. This all probably does not make sense because I don't want to let out too much but basically, I feel, 2 things again. Why on EARTH are guys OK with being portrayed like this? and also how on earth are guys supposed to stay pure and on the straight an narrow and happy with their wives if these kinds of things are always being flashed all over TV & Movies? I mean in this movie, now this may give it away, this guy actually made fun of a lady who had just had a baby. I'm not going to lie, I did laugh at the line. He made a reference to her weight (not funny) but the lady turned around and said "Excuse me I just had a baby"(not funny yet) And then the guy said "Well the baby must have been delicious because it looks like you swallowed it" Did laugh a little bit because of the way it was said. Anyway, my point is, Even though it is supposed to be funny, it kind of reinforces in my mind the idea that after you have a baby that is it. You are no longer attractive, you never will be, you are now "a mom". Well, I'd just like to say right now that I AM NOT buying into that, yes I am a "Mom" and it is the greatest job anyone can have. And I will not raise my boys to EVER act like that. And if I ever have daughters, I will teach them to respect themselves and not objectify themselves like these stupid girls on TV! Ahhh..I am so angry right now..and tired..it is 2:00am and I am still up. Why. My baby is sleeping.

On a happier note, my baby boy giggled for the first time today. That just makes everything all better. I am going to go spend time with the Lord right now until I fall asleep. I think we need some one on one time.. So till tomorrow, my rant is over...

So today is my free day because I've done pretty good for the week. So, for my fee meal, I had hot wings and blue cheese..OH MY GOODNESS was it good, but I'm not going to lie, I feel slightly sick. Eh, I guess it happens.

So I watched this STUPID movie tonight. It is called The Knowing with Nicholas Cage- My husband likes to make me watch movies that make me think the end of the world is coming and that aliens are real. Just so you know, I am completely freaked out, it is 1:30 in the morning and I am going to have to think of some way to get back at my husband for telling me that this was a movie about a love story....So I'll let you know how it goes....Pray for him, he's going to need it.

Thanks Susie & Stephanie for the advice. I am going to take both. I think for the moment I am going to stop weighing myself and use a pair of pants to gauge how I am doing. I feel a lot stronger and I feel less flabby for lack of a better word (eww..I really don't like that word actually). I was able to run straight for almost a mile- that is a BIG deal for me. I usually run a few feet stop, run again. I realized I have to stop worrying so much about how fast I run. If I run slow and steady, that will build up my endurance and then I can work on speed. So I took it slow, felt my heart rate go up, and broke a little sweat :-) There is also a part of my complex that has some stairs so I ran up and down the stairs a few times..BURN BABY BURN... I'm worried about my stomach a bit. It got SOOO stretched out, I'm wondering if the skin will ever bounce back completely. But, I have to keep in mind, that I have been only faithfully working out for 2 weeks. I have a lot more weeks before I see TRUE differences. So I am going to be patient, not get discouraged and just keep on going!!! Tomorrow is going to be a good test. I have to bring Zachary for his 2 month check up in New Jersey (I really need to find a pediatrician here in PA), so I have to make sure I eat right before I leave and wait to eat when I get home (It is about 40 minutes away). NO STOPPING! So I have to get myself organized tomorrow morning, up early, shower early, lunch early for Samuel... I can do this!!!

Another great day yesterday. I am starting to feel stronger from the exercise I am doing. I'm not quite seeing the results yet, but I am feeling it. I am having a problem with my weight though. I am eating good and exercising and I am stuck at the same weight. Not budging an ounce..even at the end of the night. It's a new scale, so I don't think that's the problem. I think I might not be eating enough because I am exercising and nursing. Hmm...Ironic, trying to lose weight and I need to eat more. Any suggestions?

So today is a new day... I did GREAT. Completely stayed on track had an amazing workout, just an overall good day. It felt good..I am so tired, so this isn't going to be so long.

I noticed why America is so unhealthy. I think part of the reason is that if you don't have a lot of money, it is hard to buy good foods like fresh veggies and fruit. I am working on a limited budget for the time being (waiting for Josh's raise! Please pray!) and I am finding it incredibly hard to stay within my budget. In my case though, it is not an option. I will sacrifice somewhere else rather than not buying fresh fruits and vegetables. I want my kids used to eating good healthy food. All of the quick easy food is cheaper and WAY unhealthy for you. Hmm.. Not so good.

So there is my rant on prices of food. But I do have to keep in mind that this shopping trip I needed things you usually don't need every shopping trip...I ran out of dishwasher detergent, peanut butter, mayo, olive oil, spices...That will ring up your bill... So I guess if I take those things out, maybe I have a shot of staying in budget? I also bought a few chickens because they were on sale and I usually can get about 3 meals out of those Perdue Oven Stuffers..Love them..

Speaking of, it is 11:45pm and I need to go cook my lunch for tomorrow. I am having Cilantro Chicken burritos..yummmyyyy!! Until tomorrow!

Definition of today? It's a crapshoot....enough said...haha... Doing better tomorrow!

So yesterday I didn't post, so today I'll have to post twice. Yesterday was an OK day. I went to the gym yesterday morning and I got a GREAT workout in. I went with my sister Victoria. It always helps when you have someone to work out with. I realized that the stability ball increases my workouts. I also went up to higher weights yesterday. With the work outs you do with each exercise, a set of 12, 10, 8, &6, take a 1 minute break then do 2 sets of 12 back to back. The last set of 12 you change up the exercise. And when you are you doing the first set of 12, 10, 8, 6 you increase the weight each time, then with the two sets of twelve you decrease the weight. So usually, I start out with a set of 8lb, 10lb, 12lb, 15lb, then the last to sets of 12 I do with a 10lb weight usually. I started out with a 3lb weight..haha..pathetic..but I have worked my way up.

In the eating department, I was successful at eating just chicken at the BBQ. They also had some cucumbers with onions (MMMMM) so I had that and some beans. Not bad... I did eat a brownie :-( and some chips. They were organic and baked though, so not terrible. I think I didn't eat enough again. I really need to make sure I'm eating enough calories with the nursing and exercising, or I will not lose weight at all.

I have definitely pin pointed when I start to eat wrong. it is definitely when something is going wrong or I am feeling bad about myself. Yesterday I had a situation come up and I was VERY emotional. I found myself wanting to go out and eat or do something to make myself feel better. I successfully stayed in my mom room and just prayed. I was not going to allow myself to go down that road. I have to admit, it was such an uncomfortable feeling to deny myself the food. I really took such comfort in it. It was my "safe place". I didn't know what to do with myself. I was so uncomfortable! Even praying through it was not comfortable. It was literally making me cry. I felt so almost scared or something. It was really weird. It almost felt like an out of body experience. I felt that I had to really take control of my thoughts and my mind. My mind went into this crazy spiral of thoughts. Just totally out of control. So after a few minutes of this crazy battle going on in me, I came out of it. I made it.

So there it is. Another day passed. Almost at a full week! Today is church, and time to go home :-( It's been a good time here in Long Island. I love being surrounded by my family and by my old neighborhood. But, it's time to get back home :-( I'm ready though. I'll have to blog again tonight about today, so until later!!

So do you know how I ended my last post? "Tomorrow I will do better". SO LIED. Today was a bomb...It is really hard to stay on track when I am not home. I totally skipped breakfast (because my husband is AWESOME and let me sleep in), went out to Robinson's Tea Room which was AWESOME, didn't eat unhealthy there. Then went to my in laws house..and I should just accept the fact that there is nothing they can make that will be good for me , because it is SO DELICIOUS. I'm telling you, my sister in law can cook. She makes some amazing Spanish rice. Oh my gosh it is so good. She puts sausage in it and they made steak also with corn. I have to watch it with the red meats because my Cholesterol is high, but I didn't have a choice tonight. So I ate that and I havent eaten anything else. Not good..I have to get my metabolism going.

I've made my mind up that tomorrow at the BBQ I am sticking to chicken. No hamburger or hot dogs.

So here is a good thing. Josh wanted some iced tea mix and it was 9:40 and Wal-Mart closes at 10:00, so I asked my brother David "Hey you want to run there?" So he was like sure let's do it! So we ran (actually walked, ran, walked , ran) to Walmart and made it at 5 minutes to 10..WHEWW! What a beautiful night to run. The moon was huge in the sky and I was having great conversation with my brother.

So here is to another day. Another day of complete honesty about myself and a day in my opinion was not very successful. But it is ok, I know that the fact that I am even trying, that is a big deal. So Thank you Lord for helping me!!

Today was not the best day. I did not do good. I didn't exercise, and didn't eat as well as I should have.

Today, we decided to surprise my family by showing up in Long Island 2 days earlier than they thought. We were supposed to come out Saturday morning, but Josh got off of work on Friday, and he was able to get out early today! But man oh man was that a HORRIBLE ride. We sat in 2 1/2 hours traffic. STRAIGHT. No break in traffic. It only takes 2 1/2 hours to GET here from our apartment. So frustrating.

I had to actively be positive to myself today. And I have to realize that I have only been at this for a week. I am expecting changes right away. I am not seeing or feeling a change yet. I feel better emotionally and mentally I think, but physically, not feeling much different.. This is a true test for me this weekend. I'm sure there is going to be plenty of AMAZING food, but I am in control. I don't need to splurge. So, still going here....

So that was my day. I can do better tomorrow.

Another successful day. Not as successful as I'd hoped. I did miss a meal today because I was at the pool for 4 hours. Sheesh. I did pick up a tan :-) I was reading my Fitness magazine and I just happened to stumble on an article about the way you see yourself. It was saying that in a study, women who were hung up on their bodies lost less weight than confident women. They said to walk around the house in "your birthday suit" (With no one around) and that will help make you feel more confident. SO NOT DOING THAT. They are crazy. Even when I was in shape (roomates can attest to this) I did not do that. Eww.. Anyway. Moving on. But they said to replace your negative thoughts with something positive. So instead of saying "my stomach is disgusting" think "Well, this stomach gave me 2 beautiful children that I adore" and eventually your mind will start to believe what you are saying. So, that is my goal for the next day. Every time I have a negative thought of myself, I will say "NO!" and replace it with something positive.

I highly recommend that magazine by the way. It is full of great things. GREAT recipes that I would love to try, and lots of exercises that you can do at home.

They also suggest not stepping on a scale as much. They say use a piece of clothing to determine your weight loss. So I have picked out pants that are - lets say - less than flattering? This week I am setting a goal for myself. 2 pounds. Will let you know how that goes!!