Who would have ever thought that parenting would be so hard? Just yesterday I was realizing what a HUGE responsibility it was to raise children. You would think this would have hit me, I don't know, 4 years ago. I guess it is fair to say that it has hit me at various points.

So, what brought me to this realization? Well, my darling 4 year old Samuel was in another room when I went to go and check on him and made a VERY VERY fresh remark to the effect of "Mommy get out of here and don't come back until I call you" I had to clean out my ears to make sure I heard him correctly. Did my 4 year old seriously just be that fresh and disrespectful to me? In that 3 seconds before I acted on this remark said to me, these are the feelings I had. Fear rushing through my veins, felt slightly lightheaded as in " OH MY GOSH....Attitude? Wait..NOT YET!", How should I deal with this? OK.. BREATHE DANIELLE. So, when I finally came to, I dealt with it right away and he was less than pleased with his punishment, but I suddenly thought Oh my gosh! Have I been neglecting him in some way that he would come out and be fresh? Is it school? Are Josh and I too sarcastic with each other in front of him (probably)? AHHHH...

This little comment that he made to me really made me think. What am I exposing him to as a kid? Now I can see how that can sound bad. It is not like I'm putting R movies on in front of him, nothing like that. But for all of you moms who have kids around Samuel's age, I'm sure you can relate. You kind of watch whatever you watch or say things or have phone conversations thinking that they really can't understand you. Then when they come out with certain things you begin to realize. It is really time to be careful!

Being confused and upset about another few things that happened that night, I called my mom. I told her basically that I was considering sending my kids back to the baby factory because this was all too scary. Through my conversation I realized things needed to change around here. I realized that I was not incorporating God into our daily lives like I should be. These past 4 years of mommyhood I feel have been all about surviving and growing up myself! I have so much invested in my life thanks to my parents that I guess I didn't realize how important it was that they did that for me! So I got inspired! Little things are goign to change. I'm embarassed to admit, but occasionally I do let Samuel watch Spongebob - which I don't like. I'm going to start balancing out the TV he watches and switch some of it up with Christian DVD's. Also, I realized his love for music! So thanks to Aunt Dawnie, Samuel now has a CD of Christian songs that I have been playing and he LOVES it!! I know it seems small and maybe I'm being too hard on myself, but I guess I just had an AHA moment! I needed to start really getting my walk with God in order so that I can set an example for my son and to stop just surviving motherhood and start enjoying every second including the hard ones!

So here's to new perspectives and interesting 4 year olds!