Gosh. It has been a while since I've blogged! Craziness. SO MUCH has gone on.
It's been a crazy few months. This year has not be what I expected. Full of enormous, larger than me trials, loss, and genuine confusion! But with that have come some amazing revelations. Mostly I want to blog about what happened this past week at Jessie's brothers funeral.
Ever since January it has been one hardship after another. I have literally felt like I was drowning in anxiety, big decisions to be made, the loss of my grandma which is still proving to be difficult, and every day craziness. The night before I left for David's funeral a few things had occurred that made me really feel like giving up. When I made it to David's funeral to my surprise came the biggest boost of peace I have gotten in a long while. If any of you did not watch the funeral service online should watch it. You can see it at res-life-fellowship.com Look under sermons and look at I believe 6/25. If you don't want to hear the whole thing, listen to the song Jess sang and the word she spoke. One of the things she said that impacted me the most was when she was talkign about when David's best friend passed away and he spent the whole year in his room digging into God to make sense of it all. When she said that I started to sob. Then she really got me when she said that the day after David died, she started really questioning God and walked away for that day. She said that walking away from God that one day was almost worse than losing her brother. When she said that the tears could not be stopped at all. My eyes had been opened. I realized. I have been walking away from God for these past few months. The trials have seemed so much bigger than me that I just neglected my relationship with my daddy God. My unhapiness was largly due to the fact that I was not in relationship with my comforter, my healer, my protector, the lover of my soul, the one who loved me whether I followed Him or not. Wow. And as far as hearing David dig in deep to God during that great time of loss, I realized I had done anything but that. I had let depression creep in and such intense sadness it was deblitating. I have walked around in zombie mode for months.
WELL NO MORE! I am determined to overcome this feeling! I am determined to dig in deep to my daddy God. While it is OK that I grieve, and it is OK that I feel sadness about certain circumstances in my life, I am choosing NOT to live in that grief and sadness. I will overcome. I will dig deep, and I will seek my healer, my protector, the lover of my soul, my comforter. I will succeed and as my sister put it to me this morning "LIVE VICTORIOUSLY!" So stay tuned....
It's been a crazy few months. This year has not be what I expected. Full of enormous, larger than me trials, loss, and genuine confusion! But with that have come some amazing revelations. Mostly I want to blog about what happened this past week at Jessie's brothers funeral.
Ever since January it has been one hardship after another. I have literally felt like I was drowning in anxiety, big decisions to be made, the loss of my grandma which is still proving to be difficult, and every day craziness. The night before I left for David's funeral a few things had occurred that made me really feel like giving up. When I made it to David's funeral to my surprise came the biggest boost of peace I have gotten in a long while. If any of you did not watch the funeral service online should watch it. You can see it at res-life-fellowship.com Look under sermons and look at I believe 6/25. If you don't want to hear the whole thing, listen to the song Jess sang and the word she spoke. One of the things she said that impacted me the most was when she was talkign about when David's best friend passed away and he spent the whole year in his room digging into God to make sense of it all. When she said that I started to sob. Then she really got me when she said that the day after David died, she started really questioning God and walked away for that day. She said that walking away from God that one day was almost worse than losing her brother. When she said that the tears could not be stopped at all. My eyes had been opened. I realized. I have been walking away from God for these past few months. The trials have seemed so much bigger than me that I just neglected my relationship with my daddy God. My unhapiness was largly due to the fact that I was not in relationship with my comforter, my healer, my protector, the lover of my soul, the one who loved me whether I followed Him or not. Wow. And as far as hearing David dig in deep to God during that great time of loss, I realized I had done anything but that. I had let depression creep in and such intense sadness it was deblitating. I have walked around in zombie mode for months.
WELL NO MORE! I am determined to overcome this feeling! I am determined to dig in deep to my daddy God. While it is OK that I grieve, and it is OK that I feel sadness about certain circumstances in my life, I am choosing NOT to live in that grief and sadness. I will overcome. I will dig deep, and I will seek my healer, my protector, the lover of my soul, my comforter. I will succeed and as my sister put it to me this morning "LIVE VICTORIOUSLY!" So stay tuned....
