I'm finding that because of my facebook, I hardly update this blog! I think I need to keep updating it because I can write out and maybe vent a bit on the blog!

So everything is still going ok here. I am finding that I am starting to feel a tiny bit (ALOT) overwhelmed lately. I'm sure it's just my body re adjusting and ME adjusting to having two kids. Zachary is a good baby. He sleeps well and hardly cries. Samuel is doing ok. Unfortunately he keeps getting in trouble and seems to be in time out quite a bit lately which is making me feel HORRIBLY guilty. I think I need to make a time each day where it is just me and Samuel time. How the heck do you balance this? I'm finding myself a little at a loss as to what to do.

As for me I think I'm getting a little blue. I keep feeling like I'm going to lose it to be honest! And I don't know exactly over what. Zachary isn't a bad baby, and Samuel is not bad, I think I'm just tired and wanting to juggle everything just perfectly. I think I need to just accept that I cannot do everything at once and I need to just relax. It's hard to do when I'm tired, and unfortunately, everyone around me seems to be paying for my anxiety. I don't want to be a grumpy mom and wife, but I'm really having a hard time!! Any suggestions anyone?

So we came back to Long Island last night. We are here for 2 weeks because Josh has the military. I am so happy and excited. I didn't realize how much I missed Long Island until I got here!

Samuel has finally warmed up to Zachary. He gives him kisses and is always rubbing his hair and covering him with blankets when he is in his bouncer (a tiny bit unnerving!) We are having a problem with Samuel & potty training again. He has had a few accidents, but I hear that is not uncommon when a new baby arrives! It's ok..We'll work out these kinks.

Zachary is doing great. He is an absolute doll. He is still a little jaundice, but it's going away. Last night I got pooped on for the first time. Lovely. It's always nice to be pooped on at 5am when you are half awake. He does pretty good with sleeping. I am seeing that he goes to bed at about 1am wakes up at 4-5 and then sleeps until 9:15. Not so bad! Nursing is going really well. He is really content and is happy to sit in his swing for hours at a time!

As for me, I feel great. I really do. I would take being exhausted any day over being pregnant. I have lost 28 pounds already (must have been retaining a lot of water). I still have a way to go to get to my ideal weight, but I'm not worried about it. I've got a beautiful son to show for it. Victoria stayed with us for the whole week. What a huge help. I'm serious. She did so much for us! It was funny though because we all were like a bunch of zombies the whole week. And we discovered that Zachary doesn't have a fussy time, but I do. It is from dinner time until about 8:00pm. So basically, be very kind for those 2 hours. I do recognize it though and I am trying my best to relax and not get hormonal!! haha1

Just a random thought. Imagination Movers is on TV. What makes 4 grown men go on TV and look like weird fools? Must get paid a lot of money.

And as for Josh! Josh is doing great! I must say he is an amazing father. A true natural. He is so cute to watch with Zachary now. I can see that we are both so much more comfortable with Zachary then we were with Samuel. We were so nervous with him!! Josh always hugs Zachary and just sighs and says "I LOVE HIM!" So cute... His job is going really well and they are really working with him a lot. So everything is going great!!

Ok, I have to go drive Victoria to soccer! Later!!

So, I have a minute. Wow. I cannot tell you how happy I am right now. I think it is absolutely amazing what women are able to do in giving birth to babies. Amazing.

So here it is! I went to the hospital to be induced (talk about COMPLETELY nervous). I got there at about 8:30 and they started the pitocin (spelling?) at about 9:00. By 11:00 I was feeling slight pain, but nothing really different from what I had been feeling, but I was really excited because when they checked me, I was 3cm before I was induced. That means I had dilated 2 cm in 2 days. I was really happy about that. I was getting nervous because I really wasn't feeling the intense pain I felt with Samuel (weird right?) I thought maybe the medicine wasn't working and that maybe the baby wasn't ready. But sure enough, by 12,started feeling pretty crappy!! But I was doing well, and I was really trying NOT to use any kind of drugs. By 3pm it got REALLY intense. I took Susie's advice and tried to exercise ball. It worked for a little while, but then I just felt like I couldn't take the pain anymore. So by 4, I was begging for the epidural. The nurse I had was really great and was really trying to encourage me to NOT take the drugs. But at that point, I got checked and I was only 4-5cm and I had been there for a while. So I did ultimately decide to get the epidural. I SWORE the nurse was sabatoging me because the anesthesiologist didn't come in until 5:15...ahhhh..That was the longest hour of my life. I felt myself getting scared everytime I felt a contraction coming on because I wasn't sure I could make it through them!

When the anesthesiologist came in, I just turned to him and said "I don't need to sign anything, just give me the epidural AND NOW." He kinda said Ok then....just scribble your name here? IN A VERY aggrivated way, I did it. The epidural was started and I felt nothing on one side. Turns out he didn't put it in even enough so he had to kind of "jiggle" it around in there. After a half hour it still wasn't working the way it should have and he had pumped SO much medicine into me to try to get it work, I felt NOTHING on my right side. I finally got comfortable enough to sleep. I woke up about 2 1/2 hour later worried that I was missing a leg! I couldn't feel anything. I was really getting upset because I was thinking to myself, why did I do this? What if I can't feel pushing and cannot get him out? When the doctor came in at about 7:40 she checked me and said I was only 6cm dilated. Argh... COME ON! She for some reason guessed that I'd have the baby at 8:30. What? No way. Well sure enough, at about 8:10 I felt some pressure and asked her to check me and sure enough! I was 10cm dilated and ready to push!! Oh my goodness! They got all ready and at that point I started to get so excited I just started crying. I couldn't wait to see my baby!! I couldn't feel pushing, but the doctor told me to not arch my back to push but to push it into the bed and make pretend I was doing a crunch. Well that worked well. I ended up getting him pushed out in 10 minutes!! It was so exciting.

When he was out everyone kept saying "wow, that's a big baby". haha! I looked at him and thought that he looked small, but I hadn't seen a new baby in a while so maybe he was big. Well, they put him on the scale and told us to guess the weight. So I guessed 8lb 6oz. They said "Nope, 8lb 15oz 8grams.. WHATTTTTTTTTT! Oh my gosh!!

So there it is. He is definitely different than Samuel, he is so far a lot more picky about the way he wants to be held, about eating, and definitely has his days and nights mixed up. But that is definitely ok with me.

As far as my recovery. It is night and day from my recovery with Samuel. Right after I had Zachary, I felt awake, alert and really good. I did unfortunately tear a little bit which is what I was most afraid of. That is what made my recovery with Samuel so miserable. This time though, I feel amazing. I was able to get up and walk around pretty much immediately (well, after I got feeling back in my leg!). I have had minimal pain. I woudln't even call it pain, more discomfort. I feel amazing and I am doing really good so far. Oh ya, and as soon as Zachary was born, they told me to try nursing and wouldn't you know. He is his father's son and his brother's brother. Nursed for a half hour no problem latching on at all. It was like he was born to start nursing immediately. haha!!

So there it is. I am thoroughly enjoying my new baby boy and I LOVE being the mommy to two boys :-)